My husband is 60 on Sunday. Sorry, honey, I know. Who wants to be reminded of that birthday. Even if 60 isn’t what it used to be (or 57, for that matter!) You did notice, smart reader that you are, that our birthdays are exactly two days apart. Not that we planned it that way, but it is curious. Yet in my dating life, it wasn’t so curious at all, as I knew a lot of people born in October and November. For some reason, I gravitated towards them or they gravitated towards me. My first husband’s birthday is a week before mine, too.
Statistically, October is a big month for birthdays – which must have something to do with the fact that January is a pretty cold month in the Northern Hemisphere, so people get busy indoors. With the predictable result happening in October.
Not that I mind, but it’s crowded in our family. My son was complaining the other day about this – all the birthdays are this month! For him, that’s his sister, his girlfriend, his mom and his dad and his step-dad, and than in very early November, his two step-brothers (who are twins). That’s a lot of birthdays.
So enough of birthdays – they happen, we’re lucky that they happen as they mean we’re still here and that’s that. They are just one day a year and for most folks who don’t share my birthday, October 24 is no big deal (unless you work at the United Nations, then it’s also their ‘birthday’ or anniversary day of their founding, so you probably know about this day, too.)
I’m still at work on the novel and gearing up for NaNoWriMo which starts in about a week. I’m going to use scrivener this year to write book two of my series. Of course, I haven’t yet finished book one, but I’m pretty close. So I’ll probably bang that out at the beginning of the NaNo month – and if you don’t tell, neither will I.
And along with all this writerly stuff, I decided that I’d like to maintain some separation between my fiction writing versus any non-fiction writing I may try to publish. So for that, and for the fact that my real name is boring, I’ve picked a pen name.
I should back up a bit. I’m a bit loosey goosey on names anyway. Most women are, quite frankly. After all, traditionally we are the gender who actually changes our name upon marriage – and less often changes it back upon divorce. Names have a fluidity for many women that men cannot begin to understand. Well, after all, we do live in a patriarchy, or so I’m told constantly by young third-wave feminists.
In fact, some of them are giving a rasher of shit to George Clooney’s brand new wife for changing her name to his. She’s already gone so far as to have her name changed at her law firm in London – I’ll bet she even got new business cards with the new name.
Because some people are making a deal about this, I applaud the new Mrs. Clooney. She wishes to give her husband this gift of aligning herself to him in this way. I know . . . why does she have to align herself to his family? Why doesn’t he choose to change his name to hers? Well, in this case, he’s too well known by his name and she is less so by hers, which is probably part of it – but okay, I’ll go with patriarchy as the primary explanation.
We’re living with this a bit in our own family right now. My step-son and his girlfriend are having a baby in March, a boy. They’ve had the name discussion – not just first name – and agreed that the baby’s last name will be my step-son’s, but that the middle name will be a family name from her family (although not her last name apparently – she’s using another family name which can double as a first or middle name.)
There really is no reason why this baby has to have my step-son’s name, obviously, or even hers. Parents can, legally, pick any name they want for their child, and that includes the last name. But almost always babies get their father’s name – yup, there’s that patriarchy again. Sorry – I guess in this way it’s real at least in the Western world. I’ve no idea if this is the same elsewhere, although I’ve been told that in Japan if a man marries above himself in class, he often changes his name to match his wife’s family name, which serves as career enhancement.
And in our own house – I am finally in the process of changing my name to match my husband’s. I did it once in 1981 when I married for the first time. It took awhile and it was a real pain, the memory of which obviously has lasted longer than the marriage. When the ‘Publican and I got married in 2006, I had a private practice under my first married name (I didn’t revert when I divorced because I had a child), so until I retired a year ago, it never occurred to me to change it to my husband’s. People knew me by that name – I had a whole adult identity tied up with that name. Although boring and somewhat common, it was mine (okay, and a whole lot of other people’s too).
But when I retired, I re-thought it. My reasons for keeping my first ex-husband’s name – not really that relevant anymore. Most of our family knows me as either that name or as Mrs. Husband’s name. So why not just go for it? And The ‘Publican liked it too, even if he never wanted to force me to do it.
Well, I’ve not done that much to effect the change, but I know what I need to do which includes dealing with both the DMV and Social Security Administration, neither of which I’m really looking forward to. But it’s on the list and rising higher there, so it will be done – just about nine years later than usual.
So . . . back to the pen name.
Once the decision was made, then it became what should it be? And you know, it was an easier choice than I thought it would be. I wanted the last name to be my father’s last name – or as we quaintly put in the patriarchy, my maiden name – and then I wanted to use a variation of my middle name which also is a variant of my mother’s name.
This honors the people who gave me life and is probably not as common a name as the one I carry around on a daily basis, and it’s a nod to the patriarchy, too, I guess. After all, I’m going to use my father’s last name as my pen name, and yet, change my every-day name from my first husband’s to my current husband’s. Brother – I need some re-education somewhere, I guess!
My actual middle name is Suzanne (yes, my mother’s first name is Susan, so Suzanne is a variant of her name.) My pen name is Susannah. Just a more musical sounding variation. And a slightly different spelling. I’ve always liked Suzanne as a name and when I was a kid I experimented with dropping the Laura and just using Suzanne. That never stuck entirely, but I’m fond of the name and I’m especially fond of the variation of Susannah.
My maiden name is Brewster. I didn’t realize what a common name this is in England until I visited for the first time many years ago and saw it splashed on manhole covers and on the roads of London. I think the company either built the roads or, at the least, quarried the asphalt that made them. When I was growing up I didn’t know anybody with the name, of course, and for some reason I got teased for it. It’s obviously not any worse than most last names and is a whole lot better than a lot of them, too. Yet, as a child, I was called “rooster” and, oddly, “booster.” Okay, that’s not awful, but couple this with being a fat kid with glasses, and it was just one more thing to be unmercilously teased about.
I was glad to shed it upon marriage. I never looked back, even when I got divorced and there was the question right on the form – “restore wife’s former name”. Nope. I was keeping this name I’d married into. Although to be even more honest, it wasn’t even the real name of my husband, but his middle name that he’d changed to legally. He was born a Smith and he couldn’t stand how common that name was, so he took his middle name as his last and picked a new middle name. His father wasn’t too pleased about it, but other family members understood. I was never Laura Smith. I probably would have ditched that upon divorce!
I did say I was pretty loosey goosey about this stuff, right?
So . . . Brewster was a name I didn’t like as a kid, but was stuck with, and now I’ve mellowed about the name and, as an only daughter who didn’t pass on the name further, I decided to revive it with a pen name. I guess if I get a book or two published, that will be a legacy of sorts that honors my dad.
So after all this buildup and meandering, I introduce my writer persona, Susannah Brewster.
Now, back to writing!